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CAP’N CALEB’S CAMOUFLAGE in Punch, June 12, 1918, p. 374.
He was an object of interest in the bar of “The Sloop,” for he was one of the crew of a vessel which had been torpedoed off the headland during the night, and he had been landed with other survivors at the fishing village that morning.
“Yes, it gives yer a shock being torpedoed,” he said in answer to a question; “but I'm orlright now, and I'll be better when I've 'ad some more beer. I ain't lost my thirst, not that you could notice, though I was blown up in the air when the torpedo 'it us, and came down in the sea.”
The questioner took the hint and ordered another pint of beer, which the shipwrecked mariner drank deliberately with the air of a connoisseur.
“It ain't bad beer that, boss," he remarked politely to the landlord; "but I reckon a man would get waterlogged before 'e could get drunk on it.”
The landlord smiled and discreetly turned the oonversation back to the subject of the submarine menace.
“No, I ain't afraid o’ submarines, but my missus is;” said the mariner; ”that's why I'm 'ere. I’ve been torpedoed twice this year, and my missus is to blame. But it serves me right for listening to ‘er and leavin’ the old Saucy Anne.”
“It all comes o’ this cammyflage ideas,” he went on with a heavy sigh. "If it ‘adn't been for old Cap'n Caleb's a-cammyflagin‘ the Saucy Anne the missus'd never've got the wind up about submarines and I'd never've been torpedoed. And I wouldn't be standin’ ‘ere now with an empty glass in me ‘and."
It was the landlord who took the hint this time end hastened to remedy the defect.
It was like this, y'see," resumed the victim of camouflage when he had again refreshed himself. "I was third mate on the Saucy Anne—not that third mate meant much, 'cos the crew was only four all told and the Saucy Anne was a little old steamer o' two hundred ton gross. But she was a nice little craft, and old Cap'n Caleb Collins, what was master and owner, was one o' the best—treated us more like pals! than a crew, 'e did.
”Five year I'd been third mate on the Saucy Anne when the War started, bringin' coal from Cardiff to Port Carbis, and home regular every ten days. Cap’n Caleb ’ad been doin’ that for twenty year, and he jest went on doin' it and never worried hisself about the, War.
“Then the German submarines started their dirty work and sunk a Port Carbis boat; but our old man took no notice and kep' on sailin' reg’lar—said he'd like to see any blinkin' German tryin' to sink 'im. Well, two more Port Carbis vessels was sunk, and some o' the other skippers starts what they calls ‘protectin’ themselves'; but Cap'n Caleb never did nothin'. Then a chap in uniform comes down to Port Carbis and he starts explainin' this 'ere cammy-flagin' idea to the owners.”
He paused to empty his glass once more, wiped his mouth with the back of his hairy hand and proceeded with his story.
"The officer, or whatever he was, tells Cap'n Caleb about paintin' the Saucy Anne to cammyflage 'er, and the old man listens attentive. ‘Yes,' says 'e, I sees the notion, Sir. The old ship could do with a coat o' paint, 'er not 'aving 'ad much this seven year, and I'll see about cammyflagin’ 'er myself. We've got some artist chaps 'ere in Port Carbis,' says the Cap'n, and I'll 'are the Saucy Anne cammyflaged proper,' 'e says.
"So Cap'n Caleb 'e lays the old ship up for a week, runs 'er inter a boat-builder's yard and gets an artist and a sign-painter from the town to come and 'ave a go at cammyflagin' the Saucy Anne. He never let none o’ the crew nor nobody see 'er, and when the painters was done 'e 'as 'er refloated, but with big tarpaulins 'anging down 'er sides to protect the new cammyflage paint, 'e says. Not till we was loaded and casting off from the quay does 'e let us reef them tarpaulins.
"I knowed there was something funny about as as soon as the Saucy Anne starts steamin’ out o' the 'arbour,' 'cos the crowd on the jetty starts runnin' along to watch us, and some of 'em cheered and waved their 'ats. So I takes a good squint overside to see wind our now caummyflage looks like—and I nearly fell overboard with the shock when I sees what Cap'n Caleb 'ad 'ad done.
"There was a big Union Jack painted right down the bows o' the Saucy Anne; 'er sides was painted bright blue; and in white letters on 'em—big white letters you could have read a mile away almost—right along from the bows to the stern, there was painted:—
‘BRITISH—AND DAMN YOUR SUBMARINES!'”
The listeners in the bar of “The Sloop" gasped, restrained an inclination to cheer, and some of them almost struggled for the privilege of buying the shipwrecked mariner more beer.
“Surprised? You're right," he resumed with a reminiscent grin. "I was surprised, so was the rest of the crew, and so was everybody in Port Carbis. When the bloke at the Admiralty station on the point outside the bay saw us 'o nearly 'ad 'ysterics and starts wagging flags at us; but Cap’n Caleb takes no notice. ‘I'il give 'em cammyllage’ he says, looking as proud as punch.”
“Well, we gets to Cardiff, and a fine how-d'-ye-do there was there, I can tell yer. ‘I reckon they think the Saucy Anne is the Royal yacht,' says the Cap’n solemn-like, when they starts cheerin’ us from other ships and blowin' sirens, and a crowd comes down to the wharf to welcome us. We all had plenty o' free beer that night—all 'cept the Cap'n, ‘im being a teetotaler end never drinkin' nothin' but gin.
In the morning down comes an old chap with gold braid and brass buttons to the wharf, just as Cap'n Caleb was standin' admirin' the Saucy Anne. 'E takes a look at our ship, then 'e goes red in the face.
“‘Wot does this moan, Cap’n?’ ‘e says.
“'That's my cammyflage, Sir,' says Cap'n Caleb, 'aud that’s my motter on the ship's side.’
“The old bloke in the gold braid starts argyfyin', but I could see 'e was laughin’ inside, and presently he shakes 'ands with our old man, gives ‘im a cigar and goes away.
"Well, to cut a lomg story short, we sails back to Port Carbis, and there's a crowd to meet us, cheerin' like billyoh; but when I gets ashore them's my missus on the quay, cryin’ ‘er eyes out. Said she'd never expected to see me again, and begged an’ prayed too not to make another voyage in the Saucy Anne. She said it was temptin' Providence to sail in a vessel painted like that, and we'd get torpedoed next trip as sure as sure.
I argues with 'er till I was nearly black in the face, then I gives way and does what she asks for the sake of peace and quiet. Cap'n Caleb 'o said it was like deserting in face of the enemy, but I left ‘im for the sake of the missus and got another ship."
He gazed into his glass and mournfully shook his head.
"Yes, it's all the fault of the missus," he concluded with a sigh. "I tried another ship, and got torpedoed first voyage, and now 'ere I am torpedoed again. It's almost enough to make a man turn teetotal. The Saucy Anne’s still runnin’ and never been touched; but I did ‘ear as the Admiralty made Cap'n Caleb put some other kind o' cammyflage on her."
RELATED LINKS
Dazzle Camouflage: What is it and how did it work? / Nature, Art, and Camouflage / Art, Women's Rights, and Camouflage / Embedded Figures, Art, and Camouflage / Art, Gestalt, and Camouflage / Optical science meets visual art / Disruption versus dazzle / Chicanery and conspicuousness / Under the big top at Sims' circus
